slow show

it being past 200, me being me, and me being me-
thought id do something different, not for once but rather for again. noticed a glaring lack of originality, and an overabundance of reactionary in my posts of late. something that needs amending.

decided id take an inventory of the things i do each day, in the order in which they come to me. no editing.

-check and see if the everybodyfields have gotten back together (usually upon waking up)
-waking up past noon on days that i have a choice
-staying up past 4am
-trying to figure out what is the cause of that behavior, the chicken or the egg, so to speak.
-probably something else.
-2 minutes of dedicated thinking on if this is something i should go about solving, only to reach the same exact conclusion each and every day, that------
-it works
-so long as im a student
-how long am i going to be a student?
-quite a while.
-because that works too.
-spontaneous dancing in my room, presumably to the chagrin of those who dwell around me.
-listen to at least 1 radiohead album, its like an apple.
-read something by an author previously unread.
-make something musical.
-look out the window, dedicated like. again, much to the chagrin to those who dwell around me.
-dream
-notice the odd crack in my ceiling, only to be surprised by its existence on every occasion. this can happen multiple times daily.
-have an internal debate on what is really south about the south, and what is really real about the south and what is really good about the south and why am i here in the south and why is that i actually want to stay here in the south and if i do? i do- but for how long?
-expand this debate to america
-expand this debate as wide as i can take it.
-some time later i will take these debates and refocus them in the context of the TVA. (as in, good or bad ,trust me this can mess you up)i could recommend 10 books and 15 songs and some great folk art on the topic. if i had gone to ap state and done appalachian studies or whatever they call it, something i may regret at times, this would have been my thesis. i may still write a book on it.
-think about how the republicans stand in the way of fixing this rock.
-think about how the democrats are squandering that opportunity.
-thinking about how other countries are fixing this rock.
-realizing that nobody is really trying or succeeding on fixing this rock.
-maybe that means the rock dont need fixing?
-bullshit.
-listen to wncw for hours.
-reading krugman and a few other blogs.
-checking lacan.com for a new zizek article.
-thinking back to throwing myself through eastern europe, putting myself into it all.
-going to the town that my family is from in bohemia, putting to rest once and for all the myth that yes, zelenka's were jewish before we got off the boat. yes in fact, we were most definitely. now, for better or worse, we are not.
-trying to figure out if i can just mulligan the last 100 years of non jewishness, or what exactly is the procedure for all that?
-remembering that im also half cobb/cunningham/byars/mosteller, who are as old as white people have ever been in cherokee county, sc and rutherford county, nc.
-realizing that america is the only place where those incongruences can ever really exist.
-remembering how great scotland is, in every way imaginable, country of sheer awesomeness.
-trying to recreate the panic/fear/excitement/strength/resourcefulness that i felt when being chased through the streets of prague by the russian mafia, and having lived to tell people the story.
-remembering the feeling after a month in eastern europe, only to emerge in bourgeois austria and feeling so utterly out of place.
-trying to explain to people that economists can be left wing.
-upon telling people that im in community and rural development as well as natural resource economics, hoping that they dont confuse me for a real estate developer or something equally as vile.
-then explaining, usually sooner than perhaps convention calls for it, that i do research in increasing the economic base in minority and low income areas, with particular attention to usage of natural resources with a conservation and sustainable ethic.
-only then i hope they know who i am.
-watch a movie
-go for a walk around the neighborhood or hang out with the cows.
-if i do all this same stuff every day, how does each and every one feel and sound and smell so different? thats whats good about it all.

there will be a part 2 im sure. ive just hit a wall.



anyway josh ritter. i love the guy. genius of a man. married to dawn landes which is fitting. that sounds negative, its not.